Sep 12 2008
Make a Written Inventory of Your Life
I’ve written before about the power of writing to heal. Recently, my wife and I became involved as volunteers in an addiction recovery program and I have seen that power in action.
Although neither of us has ever been addicted to anything stronger than donuts, or, in my wife’s case, Diet Coke®, she felt compelled to give this sort of service and dragged me along kicking and screaming. (Side note: As is typically the case with us, she often drags me along where I don’t want to go and – I hate to admit this – I often end up enjoying the experience, which has been the case in this situation.)
The meetings we lead follow the steps of the Twelve Steps program. I was excited when I read Step 4. It says, “Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.”
A written inventory! Of course. We write our thoughts and feelings down to bring them up. We dive deep within ourselves to bring the demons out. We write and by writing we identify what’s been lurking there inside and bring it to the conscious level where we can give it battle and defeat it.
It also specifies a “fearless” written inventory. That doesn’t mean “without fear.” There will be fear: the fear of admitting to yourself who you are and what you’ve done. “Fearless” means to do it anyway, and do it thoroughly and with complete, brutal honesty, willing to feel the guilt it brings – even willing to endure guilt’s more evil twin: shame.
I’ve noticed that many of the people who come to these meetings have written copious notes, reflections and ideas in the manuals and journals they bring. In fact, when I saw this during our first meeting, I had to wonder whether we were in a meeting for addicts or writers.
The Twelve Steps have been around a long time and have helped a lot of people. The fact that they use writing as a healing tool validates my own opinions regarding the power of the personal, introspective writing process to mend the wounded soul.
It’s for Everyone
You don’t have to be an addict to benefit from writing, however. It’s for all of us. We all have wounds. We all feel guilt and shame at some level. We all have fears. We all struggle with questions whose answers elude us. We all have relationship we wish were better. And (truth be told) we’re all addicted to something – whether it’s fear, security, personal relationships, money, pride … the list goes on.
What is it about writing that heals? It forces us to ponder, reflect, and use our minds in a way that involves our souls as few other things can. Certainly, when we write reflectively, we use our minds in a way we don’t typically use them in the noise and tumult of everyday living – in a way that helps integrate all the various parts of us.
What to Write? Here’s a Start….
Do what the fourth step of the Twelve Steps asks you to do: take an inventory of yourself and your life. Be fearlessly honest and thorough. Leave nothing out. There are as many ways to approach this as there are people. Here are just a few of the many, many ways you could get started:
- Make a list of all the people with whom you have a significant personal relationship. That includes family, friends, work associates, etc. Then write down your response to questions such as, “What does she want or need from me? Am I providing it? Can I? Should I?” Then turn it around: “What do I want or need from her? Is she providing it? Can she? Should she?”
- Write down everything you fear and begin to fight those fears by writing about them.
- List everything you feel guilty about or for which you feel shame. Go back to your earliest memories. Analyze why you feel the way you feel about these things. Decide what you can do to put them behind you, or at least have a healthier attitude toward them.
As you can see from these few suggestions, writing an inventory of your life can be a formidable task. But it’s worth it.
Those who have done it claim it’s a matter of life and death.
When i read this entry, i remembered that i used to do this kind of writing some years ago. I started writing about my problems, then about my concerns and wishes, then about my fears, until i hit the buttom and the depth of my soul. I read what i wrote sometime later and i couldn’t believe what i wrote, and the things i admited. It was relieving and soul healing, since i couldn’t by any chance talk about those things. Thank you for this entry, it remembered me of my long history with writing.
I relate to your post. I have benefited from the twelve step program. I have learned to use the written log to stay away from my addiction. All my fellow travelers in the program who are successful, continue to do so too.
This a terrific article! I’ve used writing to get myself off anti-depressants. Writing (journaling) is what I’m addicted to. I sent a link to this article to my counselor who teaches therapeutic writing for the local Wellness Community.
Thank you!
These are difficult things to do, achieve. The questions you pose strike at the core of our various deep-seated guilts and fears. I believe my subconscious is fully aware of mine - it’s all swirling around in there; comes up in my dreams and (probably) behaviors. Writing about them is anathema almost by definition - it takes will to overcome this. Thank you for presenting an example of how one might proceed.