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Adjectives are necessary, but they are overused by many writers who are willing to take the lazy way out.

It may be perfectly fine – even necessary – to say, “He found the green ball in the small basket.” The adjectives “green” and “small” tell us which ball and which basket. If there are multiple balls and multiple baskets, those two words are important.

But let’s say we need to convey even more information about the ball and basket. Let’s say we’re writing a mystery novel and the green ball is bloody because it has been used to murder someone and the little basket has been hidden by the killer to avoid detection. Here are two ways to handle it:

1. He found the green, blood-stained ball in the small, hidden basket.
2. He found the green ball in the small basket. The ball was stained with blood and the basket had been hidden.

Which of the two treatments is best?

The second is better, even though it’s longer. It’s better because the facts that the ball had blood on it and the basket had been hidden are too important to treat with two simple adjectives. Besides, when you string two or more adjectives together, they can become cumbersome and readers have a greater tendency to ignore them.

That brings up another problem with using too many adjectives: they can bog down your writing and make it “flowery.”

So please, don’t muddy your writing with multiple, flowery, cumbersome adjectives. Doing so will make you a lazy, lousy, boring, awful writer and you will never produce excellent, effective, successful, hard-hitting, award-winning, money-making manuscripts.

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The following two paragraphs say basically the same thing: “Hey, you didn’t send the money, therefore ….” One is from a respected national life insurance company, while the other is from a not-so-respectable local loan shark. Read them and see if you can sense the subtle differences between them.

1. We did not receive the first premium payment for the policy you requested. Without the initial premium, the policy could not go into effect and the time for placing it has expired. Please contact your agent with any questions.
2. You didn’t make your first loan payment. That makes the boss very unhappy. Look, you’re a nice person and I don’t like to see a nice person have problems. So bring the money ? and I mean now. Maybe we can make the boss happy again and avoid a lot of unpleasantness.

The first paragraph sounds exactly like what you would expect from an insurance company. The second sounds like what you’d expect from a loan shark. While their approaches are radically different, both approaches are consistent with their perceived images. No surprises.

When writing for the real world, it’s important to be consistent with your established image. People expect insurance companies to sound like insurance companies and loan sharks to sound like loan sharks. If you’re not consistent with your image, you’ll startle them. They’ll feel confused. They won’t trust you.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Imagine what would happen if the national insurance company sent its defaulting clients the loan shark’s statement! Yes, there would be an outcry, lost business and enough lawsuits to keep a staff of attorneys busy for years.

On the flip side of the coin, what if the loan shark sent his nonpaying customers the insurance company’s statement? Probably nothing. People who fail to repay loan sharks typically don’t respond to nice, nonaggressive requests for money. (At least that’s what I’m told.)

Finally, make sure your written communications are consistent with your image from start to finish. Here’s an example of one that breaks this rule:

We did not receive the first premium payment for the policy you requested. Without the initial premium, the policy could not go into effect and the time for placing it has expired. Please contact your agent with any questions. And next time, go waste another insurance company’s time, okay?

So be consistent with your writing. That means being consistent with your perceived image and consistent throughout your written piece, from the first to the last word. If you do, you’ll be a more effective writer and I won’t have to send someone out to break your keyboard.

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You’re late for an important meeting. You pull into the parking lot and look frantically for an empty stall. All but one are filled. You zoom over and pull in. But there’s a sign there. It says …

No Parking
Violators will be towed away
at the owner’s expense.

You weigh the risks. Chances are, you reason, you’ll be in and out of the meeting before anyone notices your lawless ways. Besides, no one goes to the trouble of actually calling tow trucks to haul off violating cars … right? It’s a bluff, you tell yourself. And your meeting is very important.

What would you do?

Okay, let’s go through the same scenario. But this time, when you pull into the stall, a different sign greets you. It reads …

Don’t Even Think About Parking Here!
If you park in my stall for even five minutes
I swear I’ll get the roughest towing outfit
to haul your car to the most remote impound lot they can find.
It’ll cost you a mint to get it back.
Think I’m joking?
Go ahead – make my day.

Now what would you do?

Get the point? When you need to communicate a message, don’t namby-pamby around. Write it like you mean it. Make your words hit like bullets!

PS. Steve Osborne’s real-world writing e-books are now available for immediate download. Only $7. Click here.